It’s the 21st century, and you’d think that choosing to keep your birth name or take your husband’s name would be an easy decision! Statistics indicate that less than 20% of women keep their maiden or birth name. Most change it for one simple reason…children. If a couple is planning on having children, then a family with one name makes things easier. However, if the bride is older and marrying for a second time, she is more likely to keep her name. Many professional women also keep their birth name for business purposes and then use their married name for personal matters. Remember that the act of getting married does not change your name… you must actively request a name change and provide proof of your marriage for each government or business entity you need a name change for, and notify banks, credit card companies, insurance companies, doctors, cell phone carrier, health club, etc.
Many brides are so excited to start their married life that they forget one important keepsake that needs tending to after the wedding…their wedding dress! Your gown should be preserved within one month of the wedding. Take it in for cleaning and preservation as soon as possible, because stains will set in and turn yellow and become difficult, if not impossible, to remove. (And often there are stains that have occurred during the wedding that you don’t even see right away.) Many cleaners, as well as the place where you purchased your wedding dress, offer this service. Though it may run a couple hundred dollars or more, if done promptly, this service will assure that your gown is beautifully preserved and available for future use by a loved one!
I’m often asked which vendors should be tipped and how much. While this may be a personal decision determined by the couple, here are some basic guidelines I recommend: (1) Wait staff and bartenders should receive between 18-20% of the total bill. Don’t confuse this with the service charge most caterers add to the bill! In most cases, this goes to the company to pay a higher hourly wage to the staff. Ask how it’s applied and, if this is the case, a 10% gratuity is sufficient. (2) Valet, coat check, hairstylist, and transportation drivers all fall in the same gratuity range of 18-20%. I’m not a proponent of tipping professionals, such as the photographer, musicians, videographer, florist, cake, and wedding planner. Personally, as a wedding planner myself, I would prefer a thank you note, referral, or favorable review. Remember, tipping isn’t mandatory…it’s an expression of gratitude for a service well done.
According to statistics, between 40-50% of first marriages end in divorce in the U.S. However, pre-marital counseling can reduce the risk of divorce by up to 30% and lead to a happier and healthier marriage! I was surprised by these stats and now suggest pre-marital counseling as an option for my clients. There are many therapists and clergy who offer this service to couples planning to get married. By discussing important issues and learning valuable communication and negotiation skills before you get married, you’ll be forming a solid foundation for a healthy and happy marriage. Love alone will not guarantee a successful marriage, so consider pre-marital counseling…a wise investment for your marital future.
He’s popped the question, you’ve told your parents, and now’s the time to tell your friends and decide who you want to support you down the aisle! Selecting a bridal party for your special day takes some thought. Here are a few guidelines to consider: (1) Don’t worry about matching with the groom’s side. Having those you love by your side is more important than symmetry; (2) Be sure that who you ask can afford the costs associated with the wedding (i.e., a bridesmaid dress, accessories, shower hosting/gifts, bachelor party, etc.); (3) Don’t feel you need to ask a friend who asked you to be in her wedding. Your relationship may have changed over the years, and current relationships are the ones you should consider. Finally, don’t be disappointed if one of your selections bows out. It’s better to know now than later!
When researching sites and vendors for your wedding, there are some basic etiquette policies you should follow. First, do your homework in advance. Don’t waste your time or the vendors’ time by asking to see a location or asking to meet a vendor, if it’s not in your budget! Ask for a wedding packet, and read it before calling to ask questions or scheduling an appointment. Depending on your location, you may or may not have to hire an outside caterer, so don’t schedule catering tastings until you have a date and location confirmed. Most caterers offer one complimentary tasting, so don’t take advantage of this courtesy by meeting with caterers who are outside of your budget or don’t offer the style of cuisine you are looking for. Lastly and most importantly, always follow-up with ALL the vendors you have communicated with and/or met with, and let them know of your decision, even if you choose another site or vendor. It’s the courteous thing to do and shows respect for the time and expense they expended in working with you.
Choosing the style and types of instruments for your ceremony can make a huge difference based on the ceremony venue. If you are getting married at a church, many have written rules as to what songs can be played, so review the policies carefully. If you are having a ceremony outdoors, be sure to take into consideration the numbers of guests, wind, and other factors that may make it difficult to hear the musicians. Ask for a list of songs in their repertoire and a CD to listen to prior to contracting. Check the contract for any special requirements, such as shade, armless chairs, etc. If you have a special song you’d like them to play, most groups will learn one song at no charge. Then on your wedding day, let the music float you down the aisle!
Your reception music is an important part of the overall success of your wedding, so opting for a DJ or band is a difficult choice for many couples. First, a DJ will usually be less expensive, has a larger selection of songs, and can easily take requests. On the other hand, a band gives a lot of energy to the event and entertains the guests with their interaction. Either way, be sure to ask for referrals, a list of songs in the repertoire, and review contracts prior to hiring them. Your reception music can make or break your wedding event. Choose wisely!
Many of my couples ask me if having a videographer is worth it, and my answer is an overwhelming, “YES!” For some couples, it’s just not in the budget AND photography comes first…and I agree that wedding photos will always be #1. However, hiring a videographer provides a history of the wedding – a visual heirloom – that pictures are unable to capture. As you age, you’ll start to lose family members and friends, and the first thing you’ll forget is the sound of their voice and laughter. Their body language and fun gestures also fade from memory fast, and video can capture those memories forever. In a 2005 nationwide study that looked at brides’ attitudes about videography before and after their weddings, less than 50% of brides listed videography as a Top 10 item of wedding priorities before their weddings. But, after their weddings, that percentage changed to 79%! So if your budget allows, hire a professional videographer. You’ll be glad you did!
It’s the 21st century, and you’d think that choosing to keep your birth name or take your husband’s name would be an easy decision! Statistics indicate that less than 20% of women keep their maiden or birth name. Most change it for one simple reason…children. If a couple is planning on having children, then a family with one name makes things easier. However, if the bride is older and marrying for a second time, she is more likely to keep her name. Many professional women also keep their birth name for business purposes and then use their married name for personal matters. Remember that the act of getting married does not change your name… you must actively request a name change and provide proof of your marriage for each government or business entity you need a name change for, and notify banks, credit card companies, insurance companies, doctors, cell phone carrier, health club, etc.
